Sunday, January 31, 2010

Adrian - The Girl that broke my heart (Report on Uganda)

Dear Friends

This trip round, as I reflect, I feel that the Father was trying showing me something that is deep in His heart. Yes indeed…the Holy Spirit demonstrated Himself to the people. Yes…there were many awesome moments (as you have read from the previous reports). The anointing reached levels where I’ve never seen or tasted before. The goodness and nature of God passed before over very eyes. All we could do was to stand, watch, pray and cry with the people. In fact till today, I am still in wonder, overjoyed and grateful with the mighty move of the Holy Spirit. But on the last day in Soroti, Uganda, it felt like to me that Heaven was silent. It was as though the Father wanted to reveal something that is bigger than all I have seen or heard. What happened? I was taken to an orphanage. It wasn’t quite what I had expected. Here I was going in, prepared for ministry to the kids, when all of the sudden what hit me next I must say ‘ruined me for life’.

This orphanage is run by YWAM. It is not an ordinary one. It is a place where orphans who are left for dead in their village because of HIV and diseases. They go from as young as a few days old, to teenage years. As I walked through the venue, I see a 5 weeks old orphan with HIV, struggling to live on a machine. His twin brother and mother died upon child birth. The day before, a few days old orphan died as he was born into the world without an arm and his mother died 40hrs after giving birth. These children because they are orphans are left to the next of kin in the village but because of food shortage, they get the leftover if there is even any. Hence the children who are healthy get the first dips in the food. Out of 320 kids that have come by the orphanage, about 60 have died in there. Then a little girl caught my eye. She is 1yr 7mths old. She had hardly any flesh. She was mostly all bones wrapped in skin. As I bent over, because she had no strength or muscle to move her lower body, she dragged herself to me. Put her little fingers on my finger and that’s all she could muster. As I picked her fragile body up and held her, the Father broke me hard. Here I was all ready for storytelling to the children, songs, games and what I could only do at that moment was to hold her tight. I felt that I was stripped of everything that I could do to help her. I was leveled to the ground. What can I say? Nothing! What I can I do? Nothing! I was speechless. No amount of words or wisdom could help her. It felt like the Father knocked the wind out of me. I was heart broken. After feeling that way for a while, the Father began to show me what this girl needs. What she needs most is not another story, games, song, gospel, church or even an outbreak of revival (please don’t misunderstand what I am saying, I believe in these things strongly and am a strong supporter of them, but the Father was really trying to have me grasp something in His heart). She wanted to be held by someone who loves her. She wanted to be touched. She wanted to feel what it is like for a father to hold her in his arms and have the most loving pair of eyes staring down at her. She wanted to feel secure in a time of uncertainty. Hands that won’t hurt her but comfort her. As I held her, I could feel the pain on my Father’s heart as well as an overwhelming love for her. It is one thing to see pictures and videos of kids in such a situation. But it is another to hold them in your arms. Even till today, this experience is still impacting me. As I allow the Father to work in me, I realized I am ruined more and more.

I really appreciate what the Father did for me. I believe this is a great gift from Him. I do appreciate the mighty move of the Holy Spirit and I do want more of that. In fact I am excited about it. But this was a moment for me as the Father showed me another revelation into the depths of what breaks His heart.

Deuteronomy 10:18 “He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing.”

James 1:27 “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”



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